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The Glenville Democrat
Glenville, West Virginia
September 18, 2003     The Glenville Democrat
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September 18, 2003

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- The Glenville Democrat/Pathf'mder -- Thursday, Sept. 18, 2003 I II II IIII I II ! Wh ........... e Official Kristal Sheets I1 Imagine a 12-inch tall plastic doll in the likeness of Richard Nixon, dressed in a security guard' s uniform and looking ready to bust some rubes who might be breaking into their opposing political party's campaign headquarters. For that matter, why not imagine a similar doll in the likeness of former President John F. Kennedy. But imag- ine that doll dressed in black trou- sers, a black shirt, and with a white priest's collar peeking out beneath his Adam's apple. Sure, Kennedy was a Catholic, but he was anything but celibate. If these ideas bring to mind the words "patently absurd," then the phrase "not to be believed" should pop into anyone's head regarding a President George W. Bush "action figure" dressed in a flight suit. You'd better believe it. On September 15, a toy company called Blue Box Toys filled the metal shelves of K.B Toys retailers and the cyber-shelves of e-railers with this future eBay item-the Elite Force: George W. Bush U.S. Presi- dent and Naval Aviator action fig- ure. From the K.B web site: "This incredibly detailed figure is a fit- ting addition to the collection of those interested in U.S. history, military memorabilia and toy ac- tion fig u res. " Now I'll go along with this being of interest to history buffs, as George W. Bush will, I am absolutely sure, go on the record as the worst presi- dent of all time. And anyone interested in "mili- tary memorabilia" should have at least sidential Gag Gift one mass marketed figure of a draft dodger in his collection, just for vari- ety. But what seems to be the most accurate line of copy from K-B Toys's web page for this product is the last one: "Actual figure may vary slightly from item shown. " I'm taking this to mean that an action figure of George Bush in his flight suit has the stench ofa pipedream floating inside the head of a man who couldn't be bothered to show up to fly with his National Guard unit for more than a year of his two-year entitle- ment stint with the armed forces while other men were being killed in Viet- nffm. This also has the stench of Karl Rove's cashing in (yet again; let's not forget those collectible photos of Bush on Ground Zero right after 9/11) on some of the worst lies upon which President Bush's administration has built its entire existence in the White House. It was bad enough that we, as tax- payers, foot the bill for the president's "Re-election Theater," or whatever you want tocall that stunt he pulled on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln in May, right before "victory" turned a little sour and we ended up with more dead men and women after that "Mission Accomplished" photo-op than during the "mission" itself. Now we have to have this re- minder of that crap in toy stores? Right where children can get their innocent little hands on it? And for the ridiculous price of $39.95? My gosh! I remember my mother's refusing to buy me a plas- tic, black-jacketed figure of Fonzie (giving a thumbs-up, of course: "Aaaaayyyy !") because it was "too expensive" at $7.99. There's nothing we can do to stop it, now. This thing is already out there. But I think I know what the money made from the sale of this abomina- tion should go toward. Bush wants $87 billion to fund the continuin/ war effort in Iraq, right? He's cut taxes twice since he's been in office, thereby elimi- nating what would have been a use- ful stash of money to pay for the war (and AmeriCorps, and No Child Left Behind, and for homeland security, and...Oh, never mind all that.). I think the soulless Chinese manu- facturer (these dolls aren't even made in America, folks) who's unleashed the George Bush action figure on the American public should do a little something for our war effort. And they'd only have to sell about 2,177,721,253 units to raise $87 bil- lion. Sure, they'd have to post a loss, .but they could probably get the creauve accountants who work for some of the GOP' s best buddies to help them cook up something. Not far into the Bush presidency, political cartoonist Tom Tomorrow declared that Bush had "rendered sat- ire obsolete." So it's not surprising that Blue Box Toys forgot to stamp across their George W. Bush action figure, "Gag gift." (This and past "Don't Get Me Started!" columns are available on the web at: http:/Avww.chickensheets.corn/ gdpcolumns) Bonnett celebrates 91st Howard Bonnett of Troy celebrated his 91st birthday on August 24, 2003 with family and friends. Entertainment was provided by Mr. and Mrs. Melvin Langford and "Bum the Wonder Horse." Present for the occasion were Madeline Bonnett, Richie Bonnett, Danny and Ann Bonnett, Stephee, Kim, Dora and Sara Bonnett, Terry, Janet, Stacy and Brandy Bonnett, Connie Clark and Dan Minney, Konda and Amber Clark, Derek and Brionna Minney, Jack and Pam Bonnett, Ronnie and Billie Bonnett, Micheal Bonnett and Heather, Amy and Cali Chewning. Ray and Patty Burkhamer, Steve, Tammy, Stephen and Drew Gandee, Greg, Tina, Tyler, Austin and Colby Cunningham, Betty and Craig Luzier, Alicia and Travis Luzier, Dave Lam- bert, Jeff Bonnett, Sue Cottrill, Frank Bonnett, Lona Bonnett, Thelma Radcliff, Eddie and Anita Bonnett, Jeanie Scott, Mary Emerson, Olen Radcliff, Marilou and Jack Lybarger, Maxine Clark, Andrew Minigh, Rise and Chelsea Morris,, Olivia Somerville, Melvin and Hilda Lane ford. HOWARD BONNETT Sunday September 28, 2003 4"30-8:00 In-the Post Office Parking Lot (Bring a Lawn Chair) 1 t I ! ! P