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The Glenville Democrat
Glenville, West Virginia
September 18, 2003     The Glenville Democrat
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September 18, 2003

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-- The Glenviile Democrat/Pathfinder -- Thursday, Sept. 18, 2003 ! | Kristal Sheets I The Official Presidential Imagine a 12-inch tall plastic doll one mass marketed figure of a draft in the likeness of Richard Nixon, dodger in his collection, just for vari- dressedin asecurity guard's uniform ety. and looking ready to bust some rubes But what seems to be the most who might be breaking into their accuratelineofcopyfr0mK.BToys's opposing political party's campaign web page for this product is the last headquarters, one: "Actual figure may vary slightly For that matter, why not imagine a from item shown. " similar doll in the likeness of former I'm taking this to mean that an PresidentJohnF.Kennedy.Butimag- action figure of George Bush in his ine that doll dressed in black trou- flightsuithasthestenchofapipedream sers, a black shirt, and with a white floating inside the head of a man who priest's collar peeking out beneath couldn't be bothered to show up to fly his Adam's apple, with his National Guard unit for more Sure, Kennedy was a Catholic, than a year of his two-year entitle- but he was anything but celibate, mentstintwith thearmed forces while If these ideas bring to mind the other men were being killed in Viet- words "patently absurd," then the nam. phrase "not to be believed" should This also has the stench of Karl pop into anyone's head regarding a Rove's cashing in (yet again; let's not President George W. Bush "action forget those collectible photos ofBush figure" dressed in a flight suit. on Ground Zero right after 9/11) on You'd better believe it. some of the worst lies upon which On September 15, atoy company President Bush's administration has called Blue Box~ Toys filled the built its entire existence in the White metal shelves of KoB Toys retailers House. and the cyber-shelves of e-tailers It was bad enough that we, as tax- with this future eBay item-the Elite payers, foot the bill for the president's Force: George W. Bush U.S. Presi- "Re-election Theater," or whatever dent and Naval Aviator action fig- youwanttocallthatstunthepulledon ure. the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln From the KB web site: "ThisinMay, right before "victory" turned incredibly detailed figure is a fit- a little sour and we ended up with ting addition to the collection of more dead men and women after that those interested in U.S. histo~, "Mission Accomplished" photo-op military memorabilia and toy ac- than during the "mission" itself. tionfigures." Now we have to have this re- Now I'll go along with this being minder of that crap in toy stores? of interest tohistory buffs, as George Right where children can get their W. Bush will, I am absolutely sure, innocent little hands on it? And for go on the record as the worst presi- the ridiculous price of $39.95? dent of all time. My gosh! I remember my And anyone interested in "mill- mother's refusing to buy me aplas- tarymemorabilia"shouldhaveatleast tic, black-jacketed figureofFonzie g Gift (giving a thumbs-up, of course: "Aaaaayyyy !") because it was "too expensive" at $7.99. There's nothing we can do to stop it, now. This thing is already out there. But I think I know what the money made from the sale of this abomina- tion should go toward. Bush wants $87 billion to fund the continuing war effort in Iraq, right? He's cut taxes twice since he's been in office, thereby elimi- nating what would have been a use- ful stash of money to pay for the war (and AmeriCorps, and No Child Left Behind, and for homeland security, and...Oh, never mind all that.). I think the soulless Chinese manu- facturer (these dolls aren't even made in America, folks) who's unleashed the George Bush action figure on the American public should do a little something for our war effort. And they'd only have to sell about 2,177,721,253 units to raise $87 bil- lion. Sure, they'd have to post a loss, but they could probably get the creative accountants who work for some of the GOP's best buddies to help them cook up something. Not far into the Bush presidency, political cartoonist Tom Tomorrow declared that Bush had "rendered sat- ire obsolete." So it's not surprising that Blue Box Toys forgot to stamp across their George W. Bush action figure, "Gag gift." (This and past "Don't Get Me Started!" columns are available on the web at: http://www.chickensheets, corn/ gdpcolumns) Bonnett celebrates 91st Howard Bonnett of Troy celebrated his 91st birthday on August 24, 2003 with family and friends. Entertainment was provided by Mr. and Mrs. Melvin Langford and "Bum the Wonder Horse." Present for the occasion were Madeline BonnetU Richie Bonnett, Danny and Ann Bonnett, Stephee, Kim, Dora and Sara Bonfmtt, Terry, Janet, Stacy and Brandy Bonnett, Connie Clark and Dan Minney, Konda and Amber Clark, Derek and Brionna Minney, Jack and Pam Bonnett, Ronnie mid Billie Bonnett, Micheal Bonnett and Heather, Amy and Call Chewning. Ray and Patty Burkhamer, Steve, Tammy, Stephen and Drew Gandee, Greg, Tina, Tyler, Austin and Colby Cunningham, Betty and Craig Luzier, Alicia and Travis Luzier, Dave Lam- bert, Jeff Bonnett, Sue Cottrill, Frank Bonnett, Lona Bonnett, Thelma Radcliff, Eddie and Anita Bonnett, Jeanie Scott, Mary Emerson, Olen Radcliff, Marilou and Jack Lybarger, Maxine Clark, Andrew Minigh, Rise and Chelsea Morris, Olivia Somerville, Melvin and Hilda Lantzford. HOWARD BONNETT Sunday September 28, 2003 4:30-8:00 In the Post Office Parking Lot (Bring a Lawn.Chair)